Not everyone is meant to stay in your life for a long time. Sometimes people leave and they are meant to leave. Being willing to let go is important to the flow of energy. If I hold on, and choose not to accept change, the flow of energy is also on hold. Letting go means that the space left after a departure creates an energetic invitation for a new person or people.
It reminds me of a quote (by an anonymous author apparently) that says: People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
This quote has so much acceptance in it. Just reading it gives me a sense of surrender and gratitude. It is a welcome contrast to the awareness of the void. Even though I know that relationships come in many different forms and sometimes aren’t meant to last… and even though there have been numerous times in my life when it was my decision to walk away… I am still very aware of the void that is left when a person, or people, are no longer in my world.
I understand that growing beyond the pain or discomfort means learning to do what feels unnatural. The innate human need and biological drive for connection means that humans tend to avoid the pain of separation, or go into denial about it. This often results in us staying in relationships long after our intuition informs us that it’s time to leave. It can also make us overcautious about who we let into our lives if we’re constantly suspicious about whether a person, or people, will not stay.
I’m learning to become more active in my journey, feel into my fears and pains and most of all have appreciation for the need for energy flow and gratitude for what it generates in my life. It’s like when I do yoga; the conscious breathing and the poses are designed to create energy flow in the body. My body functions better and my life functions better as a result of energy flow.
That doesn’t mean I always find it easy. It’s a form of self-discipline and it’s sometimes a challenge. When an unexpected (or even expected) departure creates a ‘void’ feeling, the pain can make me want to act instinctively; hold onto the past, perhaps act selfishly, portray the victim. Self-discipline means being willing to feel into the discomfort. Feel the pain. I’ve learned to choose this because I’ve also leaned that there is no other journey that brings me so much joy and freedom when I reach the other side of the pain.
So I feel into the discomfort and ask: Season, reason or lifetime?
If someone leaves my life or I choose to walk away, there is always a lesson, or lessons, to be found. And I can often reflect and see that these lesson were the reason I needed certain people to come into my life. Some lessons are painful, often because of a need to accept that it was my own lack self-love and faith in the future that created the need for the lesson. In these lessons I’ll have people show up in my world, momentarily fill places within me that feel empty, push my buttons, send me running and then because I was perhaps too stubborn or scared to get the lesson the first time it was presented to me, I’d go back for another semester. When I finally get the lesson in every cell in my body (which usually takes being an active participant and work on the self), I am able to walk away, complete. I won’t need that lesson again.
Some lessons have brought me the sweetest joy and I am noticing more and more of these kinds of lessons. Like sharing a short-lived but captivating relationship that touched my soul. The experience had me inspired and intrigued. I unexpectedly reignited my love of music, something I didn’t realise I’d lost in my dogged persistence of the goals I’d been pursuing. Simply, my world was changed for the better, I felt loved and wiser and brighter and then almost as quickly as it started it was over. But the music still feeds my soul.
Sometimes I share a season. Maybe a period of time at a particular location, like times living abroad, or while attending university, or while I was employed at a particular workplace. These people shared in my life while I was in proximity to them and I shared in theirs and when I was no longer in proximity, it was time to say goodbye. I find during each of these seasons I’ll collect at least one person who reckons a lifetime might be a good time.
Regardless of whether it’s a reason, a season or a lifetime, I find I get even more from each exchange when I remain open, allow the flow, and accept the letting go that is available in every moment.
Kylie Zeal is the author of Seven Freedom Elements, launched globally on 6th February 2018, through Morgan James Publishing (New York). Click here to learn more about the book and get your copy. Kylie’s second book is currently being edited and scheduled for release in the second half of 2018. You can visit website to apply for a coaching place with Kylie Zeal, or send email to email@example.com.